If this is what people have to go through before actually meeting the right person ehn? Count me out

If this is what people have to go through before actually meeting the right person ehn? Count me out. I dont ever want to date, marry, be vulnerable anymore.
Nah, nadda, no.
If you love me, keep it inside your pocket. If i go through what i have seen in the last three months again in my life, i would die. By God. If you love me? Put me back in school, fund it. When i am done i will surely remember and lend you a good hand. But i wont be ready anymore in my life to ever give anybody such power over me, ever
Of course i dont have friends, i cant make them. I let people in and they disappear after i can say jack.
I know that my heart is good, i am very compassionate, pretty and just wanting to make other people happy. So i dont know.
If this is what i have to put up with, then the whole package has never been for me. The trick is to stop people from assuming that they love me. That way i am able to protect my soul.
If this is how it is, i am never doing again. Do you love me? Dont talk about it, dont say it to my hearing, i will not believe you, i will fence you out. So just come close, fund my school. Then i might just never take you for granted

Nobody owes me anything, including love. Thats what my year taught me. I have to accept me. Stop hoping that one day after getting serially destroyed, somebody will show up one day and make me happy. I stopped hoping from today. Nobody owes me anything, including friendship, love, even a marriage. I am my own man, my own WCW. Nobody owes me shit at all. It does not matter what i do,how soft i think i am, how glorious, how compassionate. I will always be reminded at last
“oh i dont owe you anything”
I am going for another degree soon. I know nobody owes me anything. I know already. But if you feel you do, put your money into my school. Thats my love language now. I can never forget that. But i dont want dates, i need no promises of marriage, no proffession of love. I just want to keep being in school, busy, learning, being. If you can make that happen, then its all good..
I dont want to marry, i dont want the promise of it, i dont want them all
I want to be in school as much as possible. What is love?
Does it even exist?
If you are crushing, wanting to love me, dreaming of me, I dont need you to say it. Keep me in school. Life is already hard. I dont want to make it harder. Let those who are lucky rejoice.
Me?
I want to happy, one place that spells happiness is school. I want to be there as long as life can permit. I hope i dont have to suffer unduly while at it. God help me.


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